and you said cock pushups were impossible
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
