Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
