As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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