benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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