Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
please come you make the beer taste better
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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