New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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