I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
cat food counts as protein by the way
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
