Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
