my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
