Pappa wants mamma naked
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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