i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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