I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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