do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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