she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
