she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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