Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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