I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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