he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
