If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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