She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
