ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
