remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
