Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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