no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
