So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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