There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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