Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
