Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize