Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize