You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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