just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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