I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
