Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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