thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
