why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
