Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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