I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
