He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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