who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
