mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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