while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
