I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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