Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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