I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
