Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
