Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
