the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
