I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
