Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
