if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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