you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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