Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
