that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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