Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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