turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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