I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
