i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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