remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
