There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
