Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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