it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
