Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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