I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
