put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
