No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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