I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
