Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
