just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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