Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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