with your own penis?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
