Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
