Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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