OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize