I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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