and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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