It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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